Friday, April 1, 2011

Vegan Martyr

Oh man, first day of going vegan. I thought that giving up dairy and eggs would go much smoother. My belly feels empty, my mind is going numb, my legs are trembling and my hands shake as I raise a glass of water to my lips.

Starvation floods the body, thoughts of my demise take a front seat in a shrinking mind. Is my will up to date? 

I walk awkwardly through the house to ignore the increasing emptiness of a bottomless pit that only desires a block of cheese, a glass of milk; maybe just an egg, I'll eat it raw. A few more steps then I slip to my knees and start crawling across the floor. The refrigerator is in sight.

Opening the door, I see the bounty, a bounty of fruits and veggies and some damnable soy. Fucking tofu. I toss the contents around, but not even a sniff of mold do I get. 

But, what's this?

Olives, green ones but still a bit of fat, a little brine. Pickles! Awesome, they're vegan. Tomato juice, vodka.

Hell, this vegan thing is a piece of cake.

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