Monday, May 2, 2011

Spitting on Your Grave

April 1st I decided to give a vegan diet a try. Many claims are made by those who follow the diet, so thought I'd experiment on myself and see how much of the diet is hype and how much is real. I have stayed vegetarian for most of the last decade, so didn't think it would be much of a problem to get rid of eggs and dairy, the last vestiges of my omnivore diet. 

I was wrong.

Apparently I was eating enough eggs and cheese to satisfy the craving for meat. In fact, I was eating so much dairy that I started to gain weight while being vegetarian. This after losing weight when I first started ignoring meat. Though I felt better, and was eating more of what nutritionists advise, I still managed to knock down enough slabs of dairy that I was reversing the trend.

So this is the first claim that I thought would be easy to prove. Followers of a vegan diet consistently weigh what they should. Though there may be an exception, the generally held thought is that a vegan diet will control your weight. After one month of abstaining from animal products, (as much as one can), I can say that I lost 8 pounds. Not bad considering April sucked in Michigan, rain, cold and then more rain. Not out as often as I normally would be, hoping May will be a better month; I need some exercise.

Big ugly guy is getting a little trimmer. 

It has been fairly easy to stick to the plan, even with those who would derail my goals. During the first week of the diet, I was invited over to a friends house for dinner. The couple served these giant steaks, (bastards were as big as the plate), with large smiles. Bitches were testing me, I know it. Big steak eating grins, incisors polished to a deathly glow; messing with the man. I ate my polenta and greens amicably while envisioning smacking those smiles off their faces; sorry, it's how I think.

Then this last week the woman and I were invited to sub for a couple in a monthly euchre tournament. Of course they started off with a nice dinner, a dinner that included not one damn thing that I would eat. Bowls of nuts were laying around, so I snacked on that and drank my wine. The hostess comes over and tells me how hard it is for the body to digest nuts. I agree amiably, but am thinking, how's that carrion doing for you? Really? You're telling me nuts are hard to digest while your stuffing your mouth with, as best I can tell, horribly cooked meat? The wife still eats meat when we go out, she confirmed my thoughts, the main part of the meal, which was beef and noodles, was not very good. 

Nothing pisses me off more than not cooking meat correctly. Torture the poor guy for a few years and then kill him so someone can burn the fuck out of it and throw it in the garbage. Great.

I keep telling myself that it's okay though. Accidents can happen, and certain events can change people, but I have a plan. Eat as healthily as possible. Simple as that. Science agrees, it is not too hard to do, and barring an uncertain future I should live a fairly long and healthy life.

At least long enough to spit on their graves. 

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