With the 21st of May quickly approaching, I think it might be time to start preparing for a fun weekend. Several ideas have come to mind, just not sure how appropriate they would be. But what the fuck, if we don't enjoy this one we'll have to wait all the way until next year for the, "End of the World 2012."
I say lets have fun.
Wouldn't it be awesome to install a theater quality THX system on the outside of your house. Early Saturday morning, like around 2 am, you fire the bitch up and do your best, "this is god," voice.
"BLASPHEMERS, TIME TO DIE!" Then add some screams of anguish and rolling thunder. You know they'd believe, they can't help themselves.
That might freak a few people out. Some of of the religious jackasses shocked out of another irrational day of delusion may have heart attacks right there and then. Maybe some will run from their home in terror, jumping off of bridges, lighting themselves on fire, murdering each other; total chaos. Oh, the humanity!
That would be an excellent day, excepting for the fact that, for the most part, christians really aren't that bright. We'd end up with hospital emergency rooms overflowing with failed suicide attempts. Dumbshits. Jumping out of first floor windows probably won't do the damage they think it will. Trying to light themselves on fire with their bics might take a long time, and once they feel a burning sensation they'll be jumping off the local bridges for a ten foot drop into the muddy bottomed slow flowing shallow river; crap, that won't accomplish much.
Wait! Maybe with all the bodies jumping into the river they'll create a human dam that will flood the town and churches; Armageddon!
I say lets have fun.
Wouldn't it be awesome to install a theater quality THX system on the outside of your house. Early Saturday morning, like around 2 am, you fire the bitch up and do your best, "this is god," voice.
"BLASPHEMERS, TIME TO DIE!" Then add some screams of anguish and rolling thunder. You know they'd believe, they can't help themselves.
That might freak a few people out. Some of of the religious jackasses shocked out of another irrational day of delusion may have heart attacks right there and then. Maybe some will run from their home in terror, jumping off of bridges, lighting themselves on fire, murdering each other; total chaos. Oh, the humanity!
That would be an excellent day, excepting for the fact that, for the most part, christians really aren't that bright. We'd end up with hospital emergency rooms overflowing with failed suicide attempts. Dumbshits. Jumping out of first floor windows probably won't do the damage they think it will. Trying to light themselves on fire with their bics might take a long time, and once they feel a burning sensation they'll be jumping off the local bridges for a ten foot drop into the muddy bottomed slow flowing shallow river; crap, that won't accomplish much.
Wait! Maybe with all the bodies jumping into the river they'll create a human dam that will flood the town and churches; Armageddon!
Oh yeah, a great day for humans, not so grate for the neanderthals. (Fact, I scared one of them yesterday by lighting my grill, there was all this jumping around, beating on chest and grunting; oh them funny christians).
I wonder if the local churches are displaying, "Closed," signs for that weekend. Something like "closed for the second coming," or, "closed to celebrate jesus." Maybe just a simple, "Hey, we're heading to hell today, so it's just us, a case of vino and the alter boys."
Rod Serling voice, "I expose for your inspection the ridiculous, the insane, the bottom of the evolutionary ladder; christians."
Rod Serling voice, "I expose for your inspection the ridiculous, the insane, the bottom of the evolutionary ladder; christians."
I've supposedly gone through 3 doomsdays already.
ReplyDeleteI'm getting tired of the anti-climactic disappointment. Come on Jesus-freaks. Get your shit together, put on some masks, and at least fool us into thinking the world is ending... Then I can enact my zombie plan and start shooting you guys.
Lolz!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comment, doomsday parties are in full swing. I'll be drinking Armageddon Sunrises. =)