Saturday, June 4, 2011

Neighbors, or How a Man From the City Terrorizes His Rural Christian Community

Have had an interesting week. Besides family problems to deal with, I am learning how to deal with my neighbors. So far that is not working out well for me.

Being a kind and gentle man, who would of thought?

I live in a very small condo complex. When we bought into the community, the plan was for twenty-three units, cool common areas, etc. Now we are down to thirteen units, and selling our beautiful common area to the city. The failing economy has not been good to us, condo values dropping rapidly.

Of of the thirteen units, (we may get two more if anything sells), there are nine that are owned by individuals, the rest owned by the builders. I only have seven neighbors to contend with, (one owner rents his place out), one would think that would be easy. Apparently not for me, I know not how to communicate properly.

I have one neighbor who is a single mother with two adult sons. One lives with her, one is back and forth. They have a small driveway that only holds two vehicles. They also have a two car garage, that is filled with the owners daughter's furnishings, (the daughter lives in a manufactured home community and doesn't have the room to store her belongings).

Basically three vehicles are around often, with only two parking spots. Our Association bylaws state there is no parking on our street, but we are usually fairly lenient on enforcing the rule; we don't mind when neighbors have family or friends over and they park on the street, it is temporary.

Well, my neighbor that I've described parks her car constantly on the street. Sometimes it is there for weeks. Again, I don't have much of a problem with this, except for the irritation I feel when I see her car parked there, and her driveway empty. If you have the room get it off the damn street.

We also have additional parking at the end of the street, ( a hundred feet away), where she does park every so often; her adult male children cannot because she fears for their safety.

Did I mention I'm in a small fucking town that has no crime except for a few pot smokers? She's insane. We have neighbors that rent, and their female children have no problem parking at the end of the street and walking.

One more part of the problem is that I live on a Cul-de-sac, that circles and heads back out. I am an end unit, and where she parks is actually behind my driveway off to the right. Always have to keep in mind she is there so I don't run into her.

Last Thursday, I awoke to her car alarm going off. Four in the morning, not happy but let it go. The next night, at the same time, it goes off again waking Jo. She wraps a blanket around herself and walks over to the neighbor's house to get her to shut off the damn alarm. She finds our neighbor fully dressed, (weird for the time), and claiming she isn't aware of the alarm.

Probably because you park closer to my home than your own, bitch.

She uses her car the next day, I wash my vehicle and put it in her spot to keep her away from my unit, don't want to wake up to the bullshit again. After two days of parking there, I go to move it and the front of my vehicle is scratched up. Like I said, I had washed it before putting it out on the street, it was perfect. It sits in my driveway, no one touches it, I put it in her spot, it is vandalized.

Not once did this happen but twice. Earlier in the year I got tired of seeing her park there, so I put my car out on the street. When I pull it back in I noticed the license plate had been bent in half.

Now I'm pissed.

I'm thinking it is her or her sons, I mean, wouldn't you? My car is left alone when parked in my driveway, messed with when parked on the street twenty feet from where it normally sits. I thought it would be reasonable to suspect her.

So, in my usual forgiving manner, I send an email chronicling the events to all the other owners, including who I think is the culprit. I explain all the events and how I'm getting tired of the aggravation, and end my nice note with, "now we have a war."

Apparently she only knows one definition of that word.

The next day I get a response from her claiming her innocence and my stupidity. She goes on to rant about rules or regulations and how they suck. She did this last year when the problem surfaced. She doesn't believe the rules should be followed, especially since she can't even keep her association dues up to date. No rules for her dammit!

When I see her response, it pisses me off. So I reply, but have missed some of her text. She writes a paragraph and inserts numerous blank lines before she starts the next paragraph, so I miss the last paragraph of her communication.

My reply was again very nice, only calling her or her family a criminal, but no swearing or cussing.

The next day I get up and the wife is a little frantic. Cleaning house, running around doing more chores than is normally done in a week. I ask her what the problem is, she says she's worried about the police making a visit. I think she's going overboard, nothing that I know of that is a major problem, so I offer to take my car up to the police station and file a report.

She says thanks, I'm still puzzled.

I go to the police station to file the report. The officer who meets me looks really grumpy, like I've made this the worst day he's had, maybe ever. He listens to my story, then asks if I have an inkling of who may have done it. I tell him about my cranky neighbor, but trying to be nice I state that I do not think her or her family is involved, and really hope it is not them. I'm just reporting the incident.

He says that's good.

He tells me he's been reading my emails all morning. The paragraph I missed on her last reply said she was calling the police and forwarding my emails because she, "fears for her and her family's lives."

WTF bitch?

Well, at least now I know why the officer is looking at me so strangely. Here I am, the big bad guy threatening the poor little woman. Stupid fucking people, like I'm not intelligent enough to realize that kicking her ass wouldn't be worth the jail time. Lowlife bastards all of them.

This is the first really small town that I've lived in, I'm sure I'm now the talk of the town. In fact, I know it. I'm sitting outside yesterday and I overhear two ladies talking as they walk the fitness trail about a man who threatened a woman and her children; one telling the story, the other replying "oh my!"


Not being from a small town or dealing with small town gossip I have no clue what to do. Go over and beat the fuck out of my neighbor and her adult male children, (teasing of course), just because she is slandering my name, or go spread my own story.

I grew up in areas where a bar was affectionately named "The Knife and Gun club." A place where people took care of their problems without involving the law. 

What's a city guy to do?

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