The Planet - May 5, 2013

CLIMATE CHAOS

Apparently eating slightly more healthy may help stall climate change. During Earth Week, measurements of carbon dioxide emissions surpassed 400 parts per million. A recent study claims that by reducing consumption of animal products by twenty-five percent would essentially stall the process of climate change. So , eat your damn burgers but every fourth one make it a veggie burger please. You'll be healthier, live longer, and you won't piss me off. All good, especially the pissing off part.

Of course, whenever there's a way to help stave off severe weather patterns and global warming, you know someone has the job of confusing the issue. Science deniers over at the FOX fools network decided to interview Joe the bastard, I mean Joe Bastardi, who once again perverted the science on climate by pointing to a late snow storm. Because you know, that's all it takes. One freak weather pattern means all the science is gibberish, even if he never mentioned the intense heat wave last year, doesn't mention the arctic ice meltdown, and doesn't even throw in the La Nina weather pattern that is effecting the U.S. with cooler temperatures. Hey, when your audience has less intelligence than the rocks in your garden, who cares?

Yet on another front, milk consumption is down again. For the last twenty years milk has been on a downhill slide. If more people gave up on copious amounts of dairy, that would help the planet as well. Factory farms polluting the environment and cranking out tons of poisoned dairy just isn't embraced by mother earth. 

Of course, our friendly theists, given a chance, will fuck up this world and every living thing on it. If you believe that the world has a set day to end, what does it matter that we're destroying it ourselves? As an example of how pervasive the thought is, in 2010, the chairman of the Subcommittee on Environment and the Economy stated the "the earth will end only when god declares it to be over."

Christian conservatism at it's best. No worries, god's in charge. Any action taken cannot destroy what will be destroyed by that big fluffy thing that resides in their wittle minds.

GUN GROUPIES

Jim Porter takes over as the new president of the NRA,(Needle-nozzle Rat-faced  Asswipes). Jim calls the Civil War the "War of Northern Agression." You thought the last guy was a little strange? This guy says he believes that civilians should be taught how to fire military weapons so they're ready to defend the country when called upon, or better yet, ready to contest tyranny. Obama is a fake president and this guy is digging in to fight the battle. I'd join the NRA to get close enough to this guy to spit on him, but I hear to be a member these days you have to cut off your balls and worship the Buddha-bellied Porter to join. I hope he digs a big trench to defend himself against the "tyrannical government" running the show these days; at least we'd have a chance to bury this perfect example of a "big gun little dick" neanderthal.

Conservative controlled Kansas is ready to embrace Mr. Porter with laws that would make it a felony to enforce federal gun laws. Not to be outdone, and for our great amusement, Arizona has decided to add legislation to the existing laws prohibiting local governments from destroying weapons. Oh joy. Voluntarily surrendered guns will not be destroyed, but sold back to the public or used by the police force. Get rid of those animals on the endangered species list and replace them with one endangered specie, guns. Savage people need savage slogans, maybe something easily understood by the nattering, reality show watching, cousin fucking inbreds that seem to enjoy this nonsense. I'll let them come up with it, why help stupid?

And stupid exists. The Needle-nozzle Rat-faced Asswipes have another great concept to protect the home. Store your guns in your little idiot offspring's bedroom. That's the ticket. Just in case little Bobby can't find the gun hidden in the house somewhere, show him right where he can find it. The thought behind this is if there is an intruder, do you want to run around the house getting a gun, or run to your child's room to protect him. Just put the gun in Jimmy's closet, all is good.

The Needle-nozzle Rat-faced Asswipe convention in Houston Texas had some great stuff for women. Since women are more anti-gun then men, the professors of advertisement have come up with some really cool shit. My favorite so far is women's underwear holsters. Yes, that brassiere that one may think holds a couple of fun loving puppies, may now also contain a lovely pink gun and matching holster. I am all in favor of this new development; I mean, can you imagine being on the street where there's a lady defending some damn thing by stripping so she can reach that gun? You'll be able to spot them ahead a time, they're the ones driving the vehicle with a bumper sticker proclaiming that "I Carry a Gun, A Cop is Too Heavy!"

With recent killing of children in schools, capitalist America responds. No, we're not doing background checks or limiting magazines, no sir. We are now producing Bulletproof Whiteboards! For only 300 dollars you can have a whiteboard for lessons, and self-defense. 

The Onion has an NRA schedule of events posted here. They probably think it's a great joke, and it is, but I think of it as being too close to reality for comfort. Here's a few to get you started:

The National Rifle Association is holding its 142nd annual meeting in downtown Houston this weekend. Here are the scheduled events:

FRIDAY, May 3

• 12 p.m.: Welcoming introduction video from President Obama
• 12:30 p.m.: Security forced to hold back squealing teenage girls in attendance as Wayne LaPierre takes stage
• 12:35 p.m.: Quick joke about how everyone in attendance must have passed a background check to warm up the crowd
• 1 p.m.: Most unconscionable words you could ever imagine met with enthusiastic cheers from thousands of people
• 3 p.m.: Remembrance of the victims of Sandy Hook with an extended moment of loud, scrambling excuse-making
• 6 p.m.: Reasoned, level-headed debate on whether the Second Amendment continues to hold relevance

RAMPAGING RELIGION

The year of 2013 brings us more bills to set the clock backwards hundreds of years, all made possible by our theist friends. Montana, Missouri, Oklahoma, Indiana, (the Mississippi of the north), and Arizona are all trying to infiltrate the public school systems with creationism once again. We keep striking it down, but they never quit. It's like the never ending supply of protestors at abortion clinics; the fun never stops. 

Louisiana's Governor Bobby Jindal would like to seecreationism taught side by side with evolution. His statement, "what are we afraid of," deserves a little bit of thought; very little. We're sure not scared of your fantasies about how the world began, we know it as a truth that this is false. All we're afraid of is raising another generation of imbeciles that will continue to destroy all that is good.

I know that some of this may sound a little far-fetched, but all you have to do is listen to Mr. Romney. Recently Mitt advised the graduating class of Southern Virginia University to graduate and then have a load of young ones. The Quiver Full philosophy to keep you women home and useless continues without hardly a blip on the left's radar.

RACE RIOTS

Here's one little example of how race is still used as talking points for the ugly white Americans who still exist in this country. Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern says she's seen "a lot of people of color who didn't study hard because they said the government would take care of them." State Representative Leslie Osborn proposed the constitutional amendment that would eliminate the use of Affirmative Action in the state government. Kern, deciding she had room in her mouth for her other foot as well, continued boldly into the twilight zone by arguing that minorities earn less because they don't work as hard. Whoa nilly, the ride is getting bumpy. She also states that "we have a high percentage of blacks in prison and that's tragic, but are they in prison because they are black or because they don't want to study as hard in school?" Kern was a teacher, so relies on first hand experience. Black americans are basically lazy fools who get what they deserve. 

She's not new to controversy, she also introduced a bill to ban Sharia law and another that would allow creationism in public schools. Her thoughts on gays are as obnoxious, "gays are infiltrating city councils and are the biggest threat our nation has."

Hey thinking ladies, some of your gender makes me sick. No more than my own, just saying.

Time for tequila.

AMERICAN ANGST

Candidate Mitt Romney has been having a bad week. Tim Pawlenty, who had a short run in the conservative primary, has left Mitt's campaign to go work as a lobbyist. When your milk toast compatriots start running away, you know there's a problem.

Most of the flack that Romney is the deserved brunt of this week, revolves around the idea that 47% of the U.S. populations are freeloaders who will vote for Obama so they can keep their entitlements. That was the big story, though if you listened to the full video there were many more statements from the gentleman that deserved your scorn.

Romney decided to target immigrants with a few really wild statements. He sarcastically stated that "If you have no skill or experience you are welcome here." If you have a PH.D., he'd like to "Staple a green card on your forehead and welcome you to the country." I may be making those statements difficult to understand, but the gist is that the only immigrants we have are uneducated, unskilled and unwelcomed. He would like to be involved in a hostage situation so he could take advantage of the opportunity. He made false claims about the Federal Reserve buying up three quarters of the American debt and that if he's elected there will be easy dividend gains for the rich. Among other ridiculous claims, he also stated that he was as poor as a church mouse.

The gentleman hasn't a clue.

His seemingly nice wife Anne stated in his defense that "It is hard" to run for president. This statement was directed at conservatives who thought Mitt's 47% remark might damage his chances at being elected. Thanks for the clarification.

This week Romney's tax returns remained a hot topic. He dumped his 2011 return late on Friday, as most politicians do when they have news they'd like to bury. Interesting enough, he paid more than he needed to in 2011. I would think that was a deliberate overpayment to help bump his tax rate up; even though percentage wise it is still less than what the middle class pays.

Ryan helps out by speaking in front of a AARP convention, the boos were apparently music to his ears, why else would he wear that silly grin all the time?

The right is ramping up the crazy. Megyn Kelly, a Fox employee, compared the Obama campaign poster to an image of a blood streaked wall in Libya.

In Texas, a gentleman has lynched an empty chair adorned with an American flag in his front yard. I think it not hard to comprehend what the man has in mind.

Santorum made this incredibly awesome comment in front of a conservative group last Saturday, "We will never have the elite, smart people on our side." Finally a conservative who realizes the truth. Theists have no use for the hard to con group.

My favorite Romney weirdness this week was his appearance on Univision. Apparently Mitt darkened his face to appeal to hispanic voters. Weirdness defined.

This would appear to be a constant conservative error. They make statements that anyone who would wish to do so can fact check; yet they don't care. The lies and deceit flow from their mouths on the American public like Niagra Falls dumps water on sightseers. I can only ponder the incredulous reality that much of the American public either doesn't care, or is so easily duped, that a politician would not think twice about the lies spread. 

I wonder what the makeup would look like if he was addressing the NAACP? Could Mr. Romney then lay claim to becoming our second black president?

Too funny.

CULTURE CLASH

In Michigan, we have passed legislation that will require schools to have an American Flag and to give every student the opportunity to vocalize the Pledge to Allegiance. The bill doesn't require students to take part, but we all know what this is; a bill that will make sure that young women and men feel peer pressure from those whose parents have already warped their minds with theist insensibilities.

Texas Governor and ex-presidential hopeful Rick Perry has stated that the separation of Church and State is the work of Satan. The nonsense could be easily ignored except that he mentions "Christian Warriors," which is pretty creepy. He also states that those who preach tolerance and diversity are actually bullies. Ah, the twisting of reality into a parallel universe continues.

Texans appear to be leading the crazy train this week. High school cheerleaders, who were ordered to stop waving around bible verses at football games, are apparently going to sue for the right to infringe upon everyone else's rights. Nothing gets those athletes more fired up than Sodom and Gomorrah tales. A local judge is allowing the verses to be displayed for at least a couple of more weeks.

The drug wars are still failing. In Mexico, President Calderon's war on the drug cartels has killed 50,000 citizens since he's been in office. Please put down your fatty and come out with your hands up. Disgusting.

GOD'S GREATEST

This is my favorite story of the week. Apparently a new text has been discovered that implies that Jesus was married. Take that all you catholic priests living lonely lives of celibacy, you could of had a wife instead of the boys choir section.

Though pedophilia is not amusing in any way, shape or form, it would be even more of a horror if the sheepherders had deliberately twisted a story that then allowed for the depravity. the long years of child molestation could have been prevented. I would think the Pope dude will say this is not real, how else can one protect the reign of nonsense.

CLIMATE CHAOS

If you haven't joined Michel's group, "Our Climate," you should.

The latest data are showing the summer ice cap is the smallest in recorded history. Scientists are thinking we may be running out of time. Keep yourself up to date on the data being collected; it is the only way to contradict the science deniers. We really can't let them have the last word. 

I watch daily as energy companies advertise the benefits of raping and destroying the planet. As a stopgap measure for rebuilding the economy, there may be a grain's worth of truth in the messaging. The lie is not exhorting the values of renewable energy and the jobs that industry would build with the same vigor.

OCCUPY OASIS

We still hear almost nothing about the OWS movement. It would appear to be nonexistent if you follow the usual media news sources. Yet on the year one anniversary, there were almost 200 arrests made. The article I'm linking states 100 were arrested, others say 180. 

The question this raises is the following; if there was a movement that no longer exists, how is it possible to arrest non-existent protestors? The powers that be do not want you to hear or understand what is still going on.

If nothing else, remember that the movement coined the 99% phrase. If that were to be the movements only moment of shining glory, it is still a powerful one. It could possibly become a message that will resonate with the public for many years to come.

PLANET POLITICS

Libya is not happy with the militias in the country. Whether the latest uprising is secular or not, apparently the citizens have had enough of terror tactics. They are actually supporting the U.S. in protests occurring in the city of Benghazi. They want nothing to do with the militias and al Qaeda. 

If nothing else, these protests show that the Arab Spring still survives and that freedom is still a desired outcome for the people of the region. It appears that the common thread of reasoning by the people is that the country is theirs and not owned by anyone who would claim to rule.

A great message that the citizens of the U.S. could learn from.

FOOD FIGHT

Is Heaven anything more than a way to way of subduing the feeling of regrets that humans embrace when a loved one is lost? If you think about it, what a perfect comfort the thought would be if you had treated your elders badly. Don't feel bad, they're living it up in heaven and you can join them when it's your turn. All regrets need not be heeded. All your non-caring behavior is absolved. All meanness forgotten.

Modern theist thinking is that the western countries are so advanced that we have too much comfort on earth. No dealing with the weather, no dealing with a cruel life of working from sunup to sundown trying to survive. When life sucked, heaven was a place to look forward to. Literal comfort makes us believe that our heaven is now, that life is the best it's going to be right now, and these thoughts are horrendous to those who preach.

Amazing that they can make a good life a bad thing, but if you think about it, a comfortable life does suck for those promoting the game of worship. 

They do not rejoice in the advances man has made to secure that comfort, since it takes away from their dominion. They would rather believe said comforts cheat our minds from the thought that their is a better place for us in our future. 

And that thought would keep them in control.

Even if life is tough, heaven cheats us of the desire to make our lives better; why work for this life when you have one that somebody else built. Why reach for the sky when you can wait for death to take you there. 

Many seem to take comfort in the thought that there is a god and an afterlife, I think it part of human selfishness to absolve themselves of responsibility. It is not comfort, it is the coward's way out.