Sunday, August 2, 2015

The Planet - August 2, 2015


Jesus is always helping those in need; he's a standup kind of guy, always there when you need him. Unfortunately, he's not that bright and can't drive worth shit.
In Bellevue Ohio a nice lady decided it was time to pray while driving. Unfortunately, when she handed the wheel to jesus she must have forgotten that sheep herders just aren't that techie. Well, jesus ran over a 50 year old grandmother who was helping her grandchildren out of a parked car breaking her neck.
The driver was not under the influence of drugs or alcohol. She was not on her cellphone. She was under the influence of jesus. Although the story is sad enough as it is, it gets worse; she was charged with vehicular assault, but the apparently god-fearing judge decided she just needed probation and a fine, and maybe a little intervention. Remember this if you ever get in an accident, it might be fun.
In Fort Wayne Indiana, once more god was given the wheel. Pridona Hill told police that as she was driving down the road when out of nowhere god told her he'd take over, so she let him. Once again, the all knowing divine being just didn't seem to have the skills necessary to stay in between the lines. This time it was a motorcyclist who paid the price.
Not only did she run over the bike, she ran over the driver as well. Again, the "god defense" should be interesting. Pridona was charged.
What makes this slightly fun, is that the motorcyclist was thinking of god as he was being run down. He lived, she lived, I guess they are both blessed. What a capricious, fun, jackass, god is, you just never know what he'll do. Did he get a chuckle out of this? Was he like, "I'm going to run this bastard down, and then the man cried out to god, so god had to change his mind midstream?
In both of those states you could be locked up for smoking a fatty, but apparently if you're on a mission from god you can do whatever you want.

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