Wednesday, February 8, 2012

Another Fish Tail

I am a fish, a very dry one. I hang out on the deck, flipping my fins uselessly. The air doesn't seem to care. I watch the water, wanting to flip in, but it is filled with non-swimming humans. 

Now, I know that humans swim, at least when they are young. But here is water filled with humans who have lived a long life, but apparently nowhere near water. All I need is some space; a path to make it from one side to the other of this body of water. But groups of humans are hanging out everywhere. No one moving. A few water wings and floating devices are glimpsed every so often, but not a splash anywhere.

Looking at the obstacle course, I think I will turn into fish jerky by the time I can get my scales a dunking. Will they ever leave? Squatting in my pond, hats on their heads, glasses on; what the hell? You can't swim like that! Chatting and laughing, so I guess it must be fun, but can't they do this on the deck? Not much difference that I can tell.

Then a few start to move towards the steps, hurray! Maybe soon will be able to get wet and a little exercise. I watch a few humans slowly move out with glee. Then I notice their bottoms are very large, better not be a depends day or some old fuck is getting their ass kicked. Jo informs me that it is probably real body features, since she says there are slimmer garments for people in pools. Doesn't make me much happier, but have to go with the flow. 

Slowly they depart and I think, "I'll let the chemicals swirl around for awhile before I jump in." Yeah, that's the ticket. Sterilize the crap. Then I notice a new group starting to get in. Damn. The pool is heated, yet they go in one step at a time, getting used to the water slowly. "Get your asses in there bitches!" Though I want to yell that I refrain and watch. Slowly my scales turn to parchment as I watch more bobbing; great.

Now I'm thinking I will never get in, might as well give up. Then a slow exodus happens once again. Woohoo! This time I'm going to get in. Down to about three people and they're all in the shallow end. Oh yeah. I flip up to the edge of the deep end and notice the large signs saying no diving. Really? Hell, from what I've seen they should have signs that say, "no swimming," or maybe, "no splashing."

There hasn't been a single splash of water since I've been laying here.

The "no diving" signs are accompanied by the warning, "shallow water." I guess that's the reason for no diving, but the depth marker on the side of the pool says, "six feet." Damn, give me three feet and I can dive in safely.

Okay, so no diving. I jump, (it's not diving), into the deep end of the pool and plunge to the bottom. Finally relief. Hang out on the bottom for awhile, hoping not to see anything that looks like a baby ruth, then pop out like a cork on a shaken bottle of Dom Perignon. I look around and see the startled faces of the crowd. Their faces saying "what the hell is going on here?" Screw them.

Only three left, so I slowly start swimming the deep end. As I grab a breath I notice the last three looking at me. They move to the steps needing to escape I guess. Well, now the water is mine. I swim a few laps, do a couple laps under water; you know, having fun.

No one joins me.

After a half hour I decide to let them have the pool back. I get out, feeling the angry stares of my peers. I almost feel like I've ruined their day. I'm trying to figure out what is up here. I can't ever see being in a pool and not moving. Is this going to happen to me? Does aging limit the body so much that floating around a pool all on your own is too difficult. I've heard them conversing with each other about church and religion. Hell, they're all part of the blessed group, what are they afraid of? Come on, say a few "Hail Mary's" and go for it. Get under the damn water. Pretend you're being reborn or something. Show me some, (not literally), balls. You people don't look that frail.

I wonder if I should ask them if they've ever been swimmers. I feel the need for the answer. I want to know if this is the destination I'm speeding towards. If it is, I'm not liking.

Today I will return. It is sunny and beautiful. Hopefully when they see me they'll just get the fuck out of my way.

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