The Planet - June 3, 2015

TRUTH

Atheists we are, and atheists we will more than likely be for the rest of our days on this earth. Every morning begins a new day of sharing this life experience with family, friends, and others that enter our sphere for a moment or two. Life is good.

Still, there's always a pit that awaits. Reality will be challenged at some point in the day, or week, or month; you can count on it. No matter how calmly you speak, smiles will turn to frowns, voices will be raised, friends will become enemies. Unless you smile and turn away, your life may head down a less desirable path. Truth becomes the enemy. It will lead you to a place where you may be shunned and derided. 

Yet there are those who will agree with you - not many - but an ever increasing number. Not enough to help though; it takes bravery to speak truth with a voice louder than a whisper. Most humans would rather not be confrontational. Those who take a stand for truth are few. The majority who enjoy confrontation seem to belong to groups who cling to misguided beliefs, who need the comfort of lies instead of the reality of truth. Those that scream their thoughts from the rooftops the loudest are those who are the most afraid. 

We all know there is a battle being fought. I am a fairly confrontational person, yet watching a well known atheist battle the Fox News pundits gives me the shakes. To confront the lion in his own den would seem to be foolish, yet over and over the attempt is made. There are those who fight for reality in the mainstream. Atheists owe them.

So how will you repay the debt? I think the "herding cats" simile when applied to atheists is an arrogant mantra that we kind of like, and need to let go. Yes, atheists are as different from one another as any other group, yet other groups can and do act together for the benefit of all. We have atheists groups all over the country, splinters of reality that need to work together. Even this network is an example of one of these splinters. These groups, large and small, are the nucleus of a needed movement to make life better for all the nons.

I think the time to unite is past due. If we work together we will create a substantial voting block. We should be supporting those who stand up for us. I have been a member of several different atheist groups, then let that membership drop. Yep, I'm a big ugly tomcat that does what he wants and doesn't care about what people think. Not misanthropic yet, but leaning in that direction. Humanity sucks at times, and at times is wonderful beyond belief. What we need is a road to acceptance, passing belief in truth's fast lane; destination reality.

The fight has been long, and has been strong. Just think of the bravery it took more than half a decade ago to protect our first amendment rights by challenging prayer in school. 

"Your petitioners are atheists, and they define their lifestyle as follows. An atheist loves himself and his fellow man instead of a god. An atheist accepts that heaven is something for which we should work now – here on earth – for all men together to enjoy. An atheist accepts that he can get no help through prayer, but that he must find in himself the inner conviction and strength to meet life, to grapple with it, to subdue it and to enjoy it. An atheist accepts that only in a knowledge of himself and a knowledge of his fellow man can he find the understanding that will help lead to a life of fulfillment." - Madalyn Murray O'Hair

Do you feel the joy I feel when reading this? That in 1959, someone in this country had the courage to challenge the powers that be with such a perfectly reasoned statement?

If you're not supporting your right to participate in society in whatever capacity you choose, you need to start; now. American Atheists, Freedom From Religion Foundation, Secular Coalition for America, etc. The list is long, pick one and give them a couple of bucks.

The World thanks you.

The Planet - June 1, 2015

GOD'S GREATEST

What does it take to be a believer? Humility, love, compassion, and maybe just a little generosity? Hell no.

In the "I pray daily" state of Oklahoma, a family is running from threats received by the good book club. A mother had the audacity to complain about bible giveaways in her child's public school, and as you know, jesus's followers are a bitchy lot. Her son felt pressured to go up front and grab a copy off the teacher's desk; it must be hard to be the only reality based person in the asylum. Easily a separation of church and state violation regardless of what the faithful are whining about.

Regardless, the threats seemingly have forced the family to move. Followers are such a gentle lot.

Just to the south, Texas has decided that pastors need protection. And no, we're not talking about any sexual activities that they more than likely partake in, we're talking about protecting pastors from having to act like loving human beings. Texas pastors will be able to refuse to marry same sex couples, and the bill would seem to allow the medical community to not recognize the unions as well. Yes, the religious community in the United States of Jesus needs legal protection to guard against the atrocity of humans loving humans.

The above stories are not really that amazing though. The south is jesusland and the crazies infest the land like an unkempt restaurant lodges cockroaches. It's a filth that needs to be cleaned. That filth extends it's tendrils across the land dirtying everything it comes into contact with.

In Michigan, an anti-gay pastor lost his job after he was outed for using an app called "Queerly" to find himself someloving companionship. It is always the same story, the most homophobic small-minded humans always partake in what they rail so mightily against. 

The problem doesn't rest on his desire to experiment, it rests on his hypocrisy. 

Back to the south, since nobody does jesus crap better than them. In South Carolina, a private school named Blue Ridge Christian Academy gave its students a "creationist" science quiz. Approved by Answers in Genesis, the proprietors of the Creation Museum, this test is guaranteed to produce a new generation of idiots; which in my mind should be illegal. The photos tell the story, and apparently snopes has validated the crazy.

We know that children have inquiring minds. The only way to raise them christian is to apparently satisfy that yearning with falsehoods and fairy tales. 

Christians are afraid. They're afraid of an ever-evolving enlightened world where the biblical tales of horror are considered to be no more than any other book of fiction. They can see the end game, and that game does not end in a win for the faithful. 

There is no doubt that at an increasing pace Americans are leaving the church. How can one respect an institution that ignores the fact that respect is earned? They are above the law, above morality, and the last bastion of a vile word. No matter how much I may love my fellow man, that love comes with a deep abhorrence of the fantasy that shrouds their religious minds in darkness. 

It is apparent that if the religious will not clean their own house, that if they refuse to admit that they are not above but part of humanity, they can only fail. 

Although there are always more stories to tell, I'll leave you with this horror. Christian parents in North Carolina educated their seven children at home. Always the number once choice of the certifiably insane. Six boys and one girl, apparently not a good mix for the faithful. All six brothers have been charged with raping their sister, telling her that if she told anyone she would go to hell. Apparently the parents knew but did nothing to stop it. When the parents caughtwind of the investigation, they ran to Colorado; didn't help. 

My only thought of the above stories is this; they all know there is no hell, they all know that there is no punishment after death, they all know religion is a scam. They all take advantage of the sickness they spread, and the false respect given.

Religion is a madness, a creeping illness that debilitates the human desire for happiness, comfort, and justice.

I believe in justice in this life, screw anything else.

The Planet - June 30, 2014

IN GOD WE TRUST

The religious have decided to go all in. In a mad rush to create a theocracy, they have doomed themselves, and apparently the rest of us. Their zeal to demolish democracy is unmatched, their inherent inability to think critically is their holy path to emulation.

The Hobby Lobby decision shows that religious freedom no longer exists. If you work for a christian company, you will follow christian dogma, if you work for a muslim company, you will be guided by the light of allah. No longer do you have the freedom to be religious, or non-religious, during most of your life. 

I did send a message to the SCOTUS godcocksuckers, it was the least I could do:

Dear Conservative Fools,

Thanks so much for hurrying the decline of religion in the states. The idiocy that religion brings to our daily lives will now finally end. As soon as Burkas are required in some businesses, and Pastafarians refuse to pay for prescription antacids - tomato sauce is holy fools - then we can finally place religion where it belongs, in the trash bin of history.

Thanks, you guys rock!

Neal

Then, still in a fit of rage, I sent a message to Hobby Lobby through the Becket Foundation for god botherers. Ah, it is fun to rant a little.

If you're not pissed, you better be soon. Do you think "theocracy" is a little overboard in this discussion? Here's what Hobby Lobby puts in newspapers every forth of July:

Nice. Sounds like they're an all inclusive bunch; not. These little footstools for fools have the money and power to change this country. As the inequality gap widens, those with the money can tell us how to live. 

There is an all out coordinated attack to repress the public. Women are at the forefront, they will be beaten back into submission if the radicals have their way. Just this year there have been 303 provisions enacted at state levels to prevent women from having the ability to make their own decisions in personal health care. Healthcare, burkhas, all the same thing. 

This is an affront to all freethinkers. If there was going to be a groundswell of opposition to conservative christianity, this is the time.  

The Planet - June 13, 2013

god's greatest

Religion continues the full court press when it come to defending imagination from reality. Though mixing sport metaphors, the only good defense would be to close line the bastards as they try to move their cause forward.

The attacks come on so many fronts it can be bewildering. Here are a few of the latest infringements on a Secular America, and a Secular world:

In America, religious corporations are merging with independent hospitals. MergerWatch is stating that once a religious entity takes over said hospitals, they are run using religious doctrine as their guide, not by scientific findings. In Sierra Vista Arizona, pregnant women having c-sections were denied tubal ligation because their hospital had joined a Catholic health system. Hey, maybe we need faith based medical care for everyone for a year or two. Well, that'd probably only last a week or two before the whiners were tossed out.

In our hospitals, and in our schools:

In Wisconsin, the voucher program is more than 20 years old. There was a thought that privately run schools would do a better job, but after a couple of decades this has proven to be false. No problem though, Tea Party favorite Governor Scott Walker and his conservative legislators want to expand the program from the Milwaukee area to the rest of the state. The voucher program has been, and still is, the religious right's way of dismantling our secular public education system.

Crackheads around the country embrace the takeover. Disgraced Representative Michelle Bachman's radio host buddy Bradlee Dean ranted about christian parents having no excuse for having their kids in public school. You know, that horrible International Baccalaureate program is only a global scheme to take away our guns and to indoctrinate students into embracing homosexuality. Yeah the dude's a rusty piece of work, but unfortunately, there are those who think he's correct.

Though we know that the voucher program is also a way for those so inclined to get a hold of the billions of dollars that flows through the education system, it is also the easiest way to subvert secular education. In Colorado, the Court of Appeals ruled that the "Choice Scholarship Program" does not violate the prohibitions against public funding for religious institutions, even though 18 of the 23 "private partner" schools are religious. More and more legislation is seen in states across the country that subvert education. Bobby Jindal used ALEC's model legislation to create a massive voucher program that would privatize public schools in his state. Nice.

Freedom From Religion goes after Liberty High in Pickens County South Carolina. They've had numerouscomplaints about violations referencing the separation of church and state. Valedictorian Roy Costner tore up his school approved speech and recited the lord's prayer. What do we learn from this? Well, according to Mr. Costner, no one locally has a problem with religion in school, so why not do it. What an excellent thought. Ignore the law if it doesn't fit with your views on the world. Let every fucking pot smoker out of jail then asshole. I know many areas where no one has a problem with it, yet it is still the law. Oh that's right, it's only about you and you want to be treated special.

So far the religious hasn't started to blatantly kill non-believers in the U.S., (except for a few doctors and nurses, but I guess they don't matter), so sorry that's not true around the world.

Blasphemy in the world:

In Syria, a teenager was executed for blasphemy. Someone overheard him supposedly saying that "even if the prophet mohammad comes down (from heaven), I will not be a believer." Apparently the young man was executed in front of his parents. Oh, for the love of god.

In Pakistan 16 people are on death row for blasphemy convictions and another 20 are serving life sentences.

We should add to the quote, "for god so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son," the following: "of course, he hated man and slaughtered all of our sons."

Well, what else have we got. I loves me some Pat Robertson, why not?

Pat takes on whatever Pat wants, and no one sane listens:

Pat, the southern baptist nutjob, links demonic games like Dungeons and Dragons to suicide. Such a compassionate man, he's like a loving god in the flesh, all fire and brimstone and other crazy shit. Poor guy was angered by the Jets shameful treatment of Tim Tebow, and knows that gays in the boy scouts will destroy the organization. Accommodating the few kids who want to have sex with each other is horrific, demonizing them much better.

Angry America

Hat tip to Adriana for pointing out a blog to me on atheist republicans; the gist being how can you support a party who hates you? Though atheism doesn't exactly preclude conservatism, the inherently religious statements in the republican platform would make it seem to be a match more likely to be found in a mythical hell.

State by state conservatives have platforms that are meant to establish god as truth. In Iowa, besides the anti-science plank when it comes to the environment and the anti-women's health issues, they also want to reframe education. Yes, evolution is not a fact and creationism should be taught side by side. They want the books supporting the nonsense in publicly funded libraries as well. Interesting enough they intend to help that thought along by downsizing the Iowa Department of Education and eliminating their federal counterpart. 

You can look at each and every state's republican party platform and read the same nonsense, It would be impossible for me to be a republican since so much of it is based on falsehoods

Their National Platform isn't any better. One line says it all:

"We ask all to join us in rejecting the forces of hatred and bigotry and in denouncing all who practice or promote racism, anti-Semitism, ethnic prejudice, or religious intolerance."

They lump the religious thought with easily discernible ones; of course a person should not be judged by any of the above, yet religion's creed has always been one of intolerance. Is this statement meaningful or confusing? Liberals for the most part agree with the basic message against intolerance, but we do not ignore the fact that large privileged right wing religious groups whose intolerance for race, women, ethnicity and gender preference are apparent. 

The right's obsession with groups that they don't agree with getting "special" privileges is a twisted reality; what all those groups desire is the benefits from rights that are already in place.

In a weird twist, the Secular Coalition of America has hired a conservative, Edwina Rogers, to help build coalitions in all fifty states. Looking to unite atheists as a voting block by hiring a conservative who knows how to twist the truth with the best of them seems absurd to anyone who relies on facts to make their personal decision.

Apparently she's looking to recruit secular republicans, but to be fair, she is also involved in keeping religion out of health care, education and policies that discriminate because of religion. 

Gay endorsements for conservatives are as bad as atheist endorsements; possibly worse. GOProud describes its members as gay, yet three out of the seven board members are straight. GOProud has endorsed Mitt Romney, two out of the four gay board members went for Romney and all three of the straight members.

Presidential politics continues the grind. President Obama announced his plan on immigration. Conservatives fight back by attacking Attorney General Eric Holder. Childish.

What is interesting about the contempt charge, is that it doesn't matter whether they get the paperwork or not. Congressman Issa said House Republicans would have to see the documents before delaying or canceling a contempt vote. “We can’t have a promise that we’re going to be satisfied and dismiss this contempt,” he said.

Well, no need to give them the paperwork then.

Health Hypocrites

South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley has vetoed a bill that would have allowed vaccinations of seventh graders against a cancer causing sexually transmitted virus. HPV infection, no problem. Though at one time supporting a mandate for the vaccination, she has now decided it is better politics to fight reality.

We know that there has been a battle between the Catholic Church and the administration going on over contraceptives. What I find interesting is their view on why conscience is important. They relate the civil rights movement with women's health issues as if they are one and the same. The civil rights movement was a religious movement according to them, which is of course a hard thought to accept; we know what the bible and other musings from history say about slavery. I guess it's a subtle form of rewriting the bible one more time.

The statement that says it all is this:

"This is a matter of whether religious people and institutions may be forced by the government to provide such coverage even when it violates our consciences." 

I must give them credit for the subterfuge. Combining "people" and "institutions" as if they are one and the same; does an institution have a conscience? Then there is the "forced" to provide;  another nice framing of the discussion. It is all about them, not you. 

The Catholic Church is a willing participant in spreading more than mental diseases. This month they were outraged that a lesbian employee sued St. Joseph's Medical Center. What is it that this woman would want? The same rights as heterosexual couples. 

Childhood Cancelled

This is one of those subjects that should aggravate any caring human on the planet. The Senate passed the Farm Bill, which cuts 4.5 billion from SNAP. Basically SNAP is the newer term for Food Stamps. This will effect a half a million low income Americans, because you know, those people are freeloaders to begin with. 

This is significant in two ways. Besides once again taking away needed assistance to the poorest of us to give to the billionaires, it effects the moral constitution of this country. It reduces the monthly benefit for families by 90 dollars. For some of us, 90 dollars may not be that big of a deal, but to a growing population of impoverished humans, this is a big blow.

Next time you hear about a CEO making a shit load of cash, think; 90 dollars. A 4.5 billion dollar subsidy cut for the wealthiest corporations on the earth would not make a difference in their lives, while 90 dollars goes a long way in helping feed a family.

Once again, a fetus is worth so much more than a child. 

Liberals supported the bill, and it did have a couple of progressive causes added to the bill. 

Jerry Sandusky was convicted of 45 child sex abuse counts. The problem with this case is that it is not over. Sandusky is a criminal, doesn't seem to be much doubt about it. The problem here is not only Sandusky, it is an entire institution. How many people are involved in the coverup is the story line.

But even that doesn't get to the root of the problem; greed and power seems to be always at the center of perversion.

Planet Politics

Egypt has a new leader, President Morsi. The Muslim Brotherhood will now lead the country, kind of. Apparently it really didn't matter who is the president, the military still is in control. 

Greece shows us that politics is generally the same in western countries. The strong divide in ideology and the excessively bad behavior is unfortunately getting commonplace. Most of us have seen the clip of Ilias Kasidiaris throwing a tantrum on live television. Then he raised tempers by saying he was going to sue the victims of his attack for provoking him. As far as I can tell, he is still in hiding.

Very conservative people really are angry.

Pakistan has a new prime minister, Raja Pervez Ashraf. Apparently corruption and other problems may make life tough for the gentleman. 

Turkey is upset with Syria, as the rest of the world is. Syria has formed a new government, with all the old faces; not much help. Turkey's dismay over having one of their jets shot down could open the door for military intervention.

Final Fixation

The Death Penalty

Killing is for the weak

an eye for an eye

thinking people are freaks

death doesn’t make them complete

Bitter because life is not just

they have lost, now so will you

won’t bring back the loved one

won’t heal your heart

An eye for an eye is cruel

leaves us with blinded fools

compounds the crime

adds another death rhyme

From unwilling hands of mine

that dole out another dime

to torture and kill

a citizen possibly innocent

Hang your heads in shame

because you’re part of the blame

doesn’t make it right

doesn’t make it good

Doesn’t mean you should

because you have the power

doesn’t mean you have the right 
it creates a moral blight

Stay that hand of might

think of the legacy you leave

stay the hand that’s built on fright

think of all the bereaved

Most have children and families

you kill a father you create another

you kill a brother you shame another

you kill a son you kill a daughter



You all cry out for death

as long as it isn’t one of yours

you demand death

as long as it isn’t one of yours

you need death

as long as it isn’t one of yours

A faulty thought of thinking apes

extinction would be better

a sickness never cured

religion warps our matter

Humans die daily
children wail in loss
sick minds killed at birth

may satisfy your need

Now we kill the defenseless
the same as any killer
it feeds on our thoughts

death and loss

Did it bring back your mother
or maybe a lover
there is no satisfaction
only false righteousness

You all cry out for death
as long as it isn’t one of yours

you demand death

as long as it isn’t one of yours

you need death

as long as it isn’t one of yours

Angry Americans

President Obama breaks a move. A policy change on Friday will allow "dreamers" to legally remain in the country for two years while the battle on immigration continues. The President had to deal with the usual lack of civility from the right that he has encountered since taking office.

Neil Munro from The Daily Caller, a hack job news service run by Tucker Carlson, decided to interrupt the president's speech because of his false self-image of importance. The President kindly scolded the child and continued with his prepared remarks.

As Mr. Munro makes it apparent; it is very easy to be a clown.

Starting off with Representative Wilson's "you lie!" statement during the President's State of the Union address, and continuing with that bastion of conservatism, the Supreme Court's Alito's "not true" comment; the lack of respect continues.

Elizabeth Warren is the center of a manufactured controversy. As the polls show her climbing in the Massachusetts senate race, the opposition gets frantic. If you were to watch FOX - and I do not recommend anyone ever watching FOX - the "Cherokee" statement would be the only piece of information you would need to make up your mind on who gets your vote. 

Unfortunately, Warren stated that she had Cherokee blood in her family line, and conservatives want her to prove it. This is the big news of course, anything that actually has to do with running the country is off limits to right wing media. 

Massachusetts voters do not care, but conservatives will keep drilling her on the topic until it becomes the central issue regarding her electability.

Can you blame them though? Warren is a liberal rock star right now. A populist message that voters embrace; she is a strong democrat that we should all support right now. This senate race will be one of the most expensive this year; big money has a need to stop her.

These lines say it all:

“The Republican nominee, Mitt Romney, said, ‘Corporations are people.’ No, Mitt, corporations are not people,” she said to cheers. “People have hearts. They have kids. They get jobs. They get sick, they laugh, they cry, they dance, they live and they die. Learn the difference.”

Democrats need her strength, support this woman.

State Scum

My home state of Michigan with it's Tea Party Governor and state legislature have decided to bring the war on women home. At one time I stopped calling this a war, because in wars people die. I'm back to calling it a war, because women will die.

Michigan has been taken over by conservatives. The Governor, Lt. Governor, Attorney General, Secretary of State, House, Senate, Court of Appeals and the Supreme Court. Not good days for the state at all. Besides the implementation of non-democratic Emergency Financial Managers, the taxing of the poorest to pay for the tax cuts of the richest, the union busting and civil rights destroying tactics; we now must stop abortion at all costs.

State Representative Mike Shirkey has made this perfectly clear with his statement regarding the legislation; "Until we completely eliminate abortions in Michigan and completely defund Planned Parenthood, we have work to do."

Any questions?

Once again woman to the rescue. The opposition started off with Representative Rashida Tlaib telling the GOP controlled House that the men there should stop having sex with women, they should find someone else to have it with. She also asked all women in Michigan to stop having sex. Representatives Lisa Brown and Barb Byrum were both banned from speaking on the House floor after the use of the words "vagina" and "vasectomy."

Planned Parenthood supporters descended on the capital in force. Yelling, "this is our house" and "we'll remember in November," they will not stop fighting.

House Speaker Jase Bolger stated that it is his job to maintain the decorum of the house. I guess vagina and vasectomy are new four letter words for conservatives. If you have the time and inclination, tweet "vagina" to @mihousegop; they are getting bombed.

Right to Life of Michigan helped write the current crop of bills that will basically make it illegal to have an abortion in the state.

This is democracy in action:

Silent Suicide

Global Warming, or what conservative strategist Frank Lutz managed to change to "Climate Change" so it didn't sound so bad, is to the best of our knowledge slowly destroying our planet. The Rio+20, the United Nation's Conference on Sustainable Development is under way.

It appears that the global demand for resources is fifty percent higher than the rate that nature can regenerate them. Does this not compute? We are reaching the point of no return. Politics and greed are more important than life. Our oceans are polluted, the planet is warming and species are disappearing; and the world does nothing. Drill for more oil, blow off mountaintops for coal, fracking for natural gas; hastening our demise appears to be the only goal.

Why we will not confront the problem is simple, there are forces keeping the discussion at bay. The Heartland Institute last May made it clear that those who worry about the science of climate change are left wing extremists. Santorum says climate change is not real, because plants like CO2. As far back as 2009, congress was told that global warming is not real. The biblical world view looks at the earth as being well designed, no reason to do anything. Then we have several climatologists who are not associated with big oil that deny there is a problem. There work has been discredited, but that isn't stopping them from creating confusion.

As a freethinking group, should atheists in general support the theories that have been accepted by the scientific community, or are we like much of the rest of the planet's population, apathetic?

Jehovah Jackasses

Apparently mormons have an extra chromosome when it comes to American exceptionalism according to Senator Mike Lee of Utah. One can take comfort in the thought that if they do have that extra chromosome, it makes up for the lack of grey matter.

A religious discrimination suit against Taco Bell was recently settled for $27,000. A man who refused to cut his hair because of his religious beliefs was the center of the controversy. Apparently religious beliefs are more important than hair in your food.

The sacred hair battle continues in New York City where a man was cut by the police department. The gentleman, a Hasidic Jew, is the man behind the law suit. It worked for him in the army, he's giving it a shot now with the police department. The NYPD says that the gentleman was aware of the restrictions while in the Academy, so this appears to be a setup.  

A Muslim in Washington D.C. is suing over religious discrimination as well this month. He needs Fridays off to attend prayer services. 

All of these stories are examples of an increasingly popular theme; religious people are being allowed to subvert society by imposing their personal religion on us all. This is how to gain a foothold in America that will be hard for secularists to regain. If we keep rolling over to the nonsense that theists are being picked on, we have lost the battle.

Entertain no doubts, this is a perversion of everything the U.S. once stood for.

Supreme Stupidity

A fairly new poll is out showing that the Supreme Court favorability is down to 44%. Only one in eight Americans think the justices decide cases on their merits and 75% of the respondents said that cases were decided on personal and political views. 

I'll keep this short with just one thought. Why would Arizona remain so adamant about their immigration laws, or Florida fighting for the right to remove legal voters from the polls unless they know they have friends in the highest court of the land?

Conservatives are thumbing their noses at Obama's administration because they have a bought and paid for court. 

Citizen's United, the soon to be heard ruling of the Affordable Care Act; this court could prove that citizens have no rights and only the powerful are allowed to participate in democracy.

Final Fixations

First off, happy made up holiday to all the fathers out there. This edition of The Sunday Planet is being published early so I can keep my father-in-law company.

Here for your enjoyment, selected holidays in March:

March 3rd - If Pets Had Thumbs Day

March 5th - Multiple Personalities Day

March 9th - Panic Day

March 15th - Everything You Think Is Wrong Day

March 20th - Extraterrestrial Abductions Day

And a personal favorite:

March 26th - Make Up Your Own Holiday Day

From 31 Wacky Holidays in March.